My Experience with Depression
This blog post is very different than the home dec tips, guidelines or solutions I usually write about. Today I’m sharing with you insight on my depression and how I came to realize it. I hope this gives some perspective on what you or someone you love may be dealing with.
I’ll start with being very honest in that I don’t know all the hows or whys of this illness but I am aware that there is a genetic link. Several family members had or have been afflicted with depression starting as young as 25 years old. I was diagnosed at age 55. Did I dodge this bullet for so long or had I been ignoring it? I think there is a good chance of both.
The Beginning
My symptoms - fatique, malaise, and overwhelming sadness -first showed in May of 2020 and lasted a few days. In those few days I wanted to reach out to someone, but who? Most everyone I knew was feeling the burden from COVID. People who worked tirelessly from home, parents and teachers navigating e-learning, and single adults who felt trapped in their homes. Who was I to complain? From March to August that year I was caring for my granddaughter during the week, 200 miles from home, and kept up with clients and attended meetings via zoom. I wrote about my time with my granddaughter in a blog: 5 Months with Freya. Compared to many, I had it easy. (my son and daughter-in-law did help me quite a bit during those few days)
External Factors?
As I mentioned, the symptoms lasted only a few days. I’m not sure what set this off, was it stress or guilt? Although I loved being with my granddaughter, I felt horrible leaving my husband every Sunday afternoon. He had an essential job, and after working long hours he came home to take care of the house and our geriatric dog, alone. In hindsight, I’m glad I experienced those few days in May as it prepared me for what was to come full force seven months later.
Bad Beginning to a New Year
Autumn and early winter passed and we looked forward to 2021, hopeful that the coming year would be better than the last. We were wrong. An elderly uncle, with whom I had been in weekly contact, passed away unexpectedly in the last few days of the year, alone in his home. The shock, the grief and the guilt hit hard. I shelved these feelings during the first week of January while cleaning and packing up his home with my other uncle. Together we sorted through his papers, met with his attorney and the funeral home to make arrangements. I came home utterly exhausted, mentally and physically. Understandably, I didn’t have the energy to do much else other than take care of basic needs.
As January progressed, I still had extreme fatigue (sleeping up to 14 hours a day), no energy, and felt like I was moving through a thick fog. Even though I recognized the symptoms, I fooled myself thinking I could handle this and I’d feel better soon. Another week went by before I spoke to my doctor and after a week of medication, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I felt like me again.
And Now…
Depression is something I now live with and take medication to control. I still have “bad” days, but they are rare. In addition to medication, I know that good sleep and eating habits are essential as well as getting fresh air and moderate exercise. The last two not always easy when you live in a cold, winter climate!
I’m not one who gives up easily and at times I can be tenacious, but my symptoms knocked me down. Depression is real, it’s not a weakness. I’m sure symptoms vary from person to person, but if you notice that you or someone you love seems “off” please talk about it and get help.
Until next time,
Laura